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We are all walking each other home

12/1/2017

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Newborn baby Shane, before we knew what lay ahead of us.
​The call came in yesterday, from an acquaintance back in Manitoba that I’ve known for many, many years.  He’s not necessarily someone that I’ve had the opportunity to know well, but even though our cultures and lifestyles varied substantially, he’s still someone I’ve always had a good relationship with.  The call was on my husband’s phone, but it soon became apparent that I was the person he was needing to talk to, the one that could provide the answers to the many questions that had arisen for him.

In conversations of years ago, Cecil had approached him about the possibility of fabricating a travel buggy for Shane similar to one that we’d seen on our travels to Tofino, BC for Shane’s Sunshine Dream in 2004.  Although nothing came from the conversation in terms of the buggy, it did let this gentleman know, for the first time, that we had a son living with special needs.  Now, all these many years later, he remembered that when his own grandson was born and given a label at birth.  The family suddenly found themselves new-comers in the world we’d navigated all those years for Shane, and he wondered if he could ask some questions.
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We chatted on the phone for about an hour. I told him some of the many, many things I’d learned in living in the system that supported children with disabilities to live life.  I heard myself passionately sharing some of the opportunities that are available now, the social media changes that have allowed families more access to others who are experiencing the same, the things that our children will teach us.  I shared some of things we never realized we needed to learn until they came into our lives.  We talked about some of the fears, the grief and the new learning that will have to take place now that they’ve been advised they are going to be taking the road less travelled. I hope at the end of our talk he was able to feel a little more hopeful and optimistic about the years ahead.  There will be struggles and challenges, but there will also be so much joy given by this precious new life that has been given to them. 
​I ended our conversation with a promise to send him a couple of the books that I’ve written, and heard myself quoting Rumi, saying ‘we are all really just walking each other home’, telling him of my own belief that when we’ve been given the wisdom and knowledge that only life experience can offer us, we have it within our power to ease the journey of so many others if we just share what we’ve learned.

Last night, just as I was drifting off to sleep, I recalled that conversation.  Once again, that age old question ‘What is my real purpose here’ rose up in my head, as I know it does for so many of you as well.  Only this time, the answer became so clear to me.  It rested in the words I had said on the phone.  It’s in almost everything that I’ve worked towards in the years since Shane died, and that has been and continues to be share his story.  Share his message.  Share his teachings.  Share the light of his incredible spirit.
I thought about all that I have undertaken and done.  The songs, the books, the presentations are all a part of that.  I realized however that those just touch the tip of an iceberg that runs so deep below the surface.  I realized that within me is a lifetime of all little, unshared pearls of information.  Things that worked, things that really didn’t but were stepping stones that led to something else that did.  Stories of our journey that might offer hope and inspiration to someone else, just when they really need it.  As I lost consciousness and fell asleep, my last thoughts were that it’s time to start more earnestly and intentionally than I have thus far. If not now, when?

The ground work has been laid.  Now the next stage begins, and I’m so glad that you’ve chosen to join me here. In the weeks and months ahead, I will continue to share those things, to build this website further so that it will offer links and ideas to others.  My greatest hope, is that as I embark on this mission, that you’ll join me with your own input and learnings!  The world about us is changing hourly.  New things are offered, new ideas are brought to reality, and new children are born that need what we’ve learned and continue to learn to be able to thrive in our world.
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I know by the speed that my fingers type as I write this down, that I’m onto something very important to what part of my legacy is going to be.  When we lose ourselves in the moment of what you’re doing, that’s when we know we’re getting closer to answering that age-old question, ‘why am I here’.  I am here for you, just as you’re here for me, because the truth is we really are all just walking each other home.  Together, let’s make that journey incredible!
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The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it a way. Pablo Picasso
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We're BACK!

6/28/2017

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It's been a while!  A lot has happened...a lot!  A move across the county.  The purging and sorting of a life lived on the prairies. Pulling up our roots in Manitoba, replanting them in British Columbia.  What a ride it has been!  

The journey has always allowed for the things that are important...but sometimes those important things have been put on the back burner while other things took centre stage.  Telling our story has been one of those things I'm afraid.

The time has come though to begin saying yes to the opportunities as they arise, and that's just what Trem and I are doing.  It's more challenging now, being so many miles apart.  But what we've both agreed is that the story and the message that 'Just My Friend' shares is part of our live's missions.  Even when it's challenging and might not always make sense, in my heart it's important to say yes to what matters most.  This is one of those things.

Along with sharing our own story through our presentation, I am so excited that I'm also now able to share the stories of other parents who have walked a similar path to mine!  In the last months I have had the great honour of writing the book 'Family Matters' in collaboration with 'In the Company of Friends' parents and 'Innovative Life Options'.  That project of the heart is now in printed form, and the hope of all of us that were part of this is that the sharing of our stories will ease the journey of other, newer parents who walk this path alongside us.  The book includes a chapter about Shane that I hope will inspire, just as all the other wonderful people highlighted in the other chapters continue to do in sharing their own, unique journeys!
If that wasn't exciting enough, I've also assumed a new role of guiding and supporting new authors to self-publish their works, and one of the first books is called 'I am Just Like You' by Lesley Feldman.  It is a children's book that is aimed at reaching youngsters, helping them to accept and appreciate diversity.  We may all do things a little differently, but under the surface we are all more alike than different.  
So that is where things are at on this marvellous early, summer day.  We are presenting next week at Rock Lake Camp, to help this year's new counsellors gain a little better understanding of the world of special needs. Each life touched is another possibility for a more positive future for our world.  Let us know if there is an event you'd like to see us attend.  Stories shared are what help us all to grow forward.  Till next time, 
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Clarion Clarity:  A better understanding of 'Behaviors' in people who experience disabilities. 

5/7/2015

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In a recent 'purge' in the basement, I found a copy of a 'Reflection Paper' that I'd written in 2008, when I was taking Red River College's Disability and Community Support program, to further my career in the world of working with adults with disabilities.  Much of this blog is about our experience presenting, memories of Shane, tools and ideas for families of individuals with disabilities.  But somehow, this paper is one that I'd like to share here, when we end up being lax in appreciating what those that find it hard to find their voice go through in different situations.  Situations that are likely to cause 'behaviors' that lead to all those things that typical adults like you and I would never, ever have to endure.....med changes, loss of privilege, changes to plans.  But somehow, without a proper understanding, we feel it's okay to do that to other adults, simply because they are labeled with a disability.  Here was my recount of a near 'behavior' I had and a good reminder that I hope everyone who reads this will grow from!

Clarion Clarity

In the big scheme of things, all in all...I've led a pretty charmed life.  How could I not?  I was fortunate to be born a white Anglo-Saxon protestant woman in one of the freest, most liberal countries in the world.  I've been given a reasonable, measurable level of intelligence, a strong supportive family and a solid sense of self.  I've existed in a world where I've known freed of choice, freedom of speech, freedom from persecution.  It's been a very good life.
    That is not to say it's been a life without challenges.  There have been no end of them along the way.  There was the challenge of experiencing a level of exclusion and bullying when I was a chubby, six year old child starting school in a community where I knew no one, and no on knew me: of being trapped in a bad relationship with an abusive partner in me teens and twenties and finding my way back to myself when it was over; of losing my first husband to cancer when both of us were too young.  And of course there was what might have been the biggest challenged:  coming to terms with my son's disability and the change in direction that life had to take as a result.
     But through each challenge, I've also been graced through having my health, my family and my friends.  Three things that I've always believed are key to surviving whatever life throws your way.  Having that, each challenge has not only been survived, but has allowed me to grow and learn, rather than wither and fade.  To not only survive but to thrive!  I've had the opportunity to learn that time does heal, bad memories do fade and life does go on even if it is in a much different direction that the original plan had been laid out to go.  All of it made me who I am.
     I believe it is the challenges and struggles that have eventually led me to be the person I am and do much of the work that I do.  They have given me a unique perspective on many things and a different vantage point from which to look for answers and solutions to the challenges that the people I support today find themselves contending with.  To better support the supporters of the people who struggle with 'difficult behaviors' I have spent hours attending workshops and exploring websites of people like Michael Kendrick and David Pytoniak, hoping to learn from the ones that have worked so hard to figure it out before me.  I've tried mentally to put myself in the shoes of some of the people I support as I've talked the talk and shared what I've learned.
     One of those people is a lady is a lady i'm going to refer to as Alice to ensure her confidentiality is protected.  Alice is a woman about my own age who lives on her own in a small city in Manitoba.  But where my life story has been one of hope, support and relationships, hers has been one of pain, disappointment and heartaches.  Alice has a developmental disability and struggles with communicating in a way that most of us are able to understand.  When we are unable to do so, Alice resorts to behaviors that she knows wil get our attention in an effort to make her perspective known.   Sadly, people come and go from her life at an alarming rate, as is so often the case for people who experience disabilities.  No sooner does a staff person learn to understand her wants, needs and desires they move on and are gone.  The knowledge gained going with them.  Then Alice must start over once again, with another stranger and the cycle continues. 
     Having now been part of her life in my paid capacity for several years, there are certain things that I've come to know about Alice.  Like all of us, she wants choice in her life, especially when it comes to who supports her.  She likes men, but doesn't want them as support staff.  She wants to know who's going to be there ahead of time and she doesn't like surprises.  When any of those things do not happen for her, there is a very strong likelihood that Alice will have a 'behavior'.  Unfortunately for her, sometimes the people who have a large amount of control over her life neglect to respect those things that she has made known and don't listen to the people that know her story.  So behaviors happen, triggering more change in support, in medication and in her life.  I have always felt that I had a pretty good understanding of her and what she experiences.  I've certainly always been able to talk the talk about it, but on August 22, 2008, I found myself in a situation where I had the opportunity to walk the walk and that day my understanding deepened.
     So I need to backtrack just a little here.  In 2004, at the age of 44,  I discovered pedicures!  Since that time it's a luxury afford myself and is a big part of my self-care routine.  I'm not ashamed to say...I love my toe-nails!  Laugh  at me if you will,but they really have become a part of my identity...of who I am.  I always contend that it doesn't matter how hard or crappy the day might have been, at the end of it I can stretch out on my couch, put up my feed and say to myself "At least I have great toes...just look at them!"  Many will find that silly, they haven't walked my road.  Some day's it's something that small that gets me through to the next day.
     What is important to this story is that I don't just have any ordinary toenails, I have 'Cindy-Toenails' and that makes all the difference!  For years I have been loyal to a wonderful young woman who does pedicures at the Clarion.  She does the most amazing art and can meet any particular whim I might have about what I need on my nails.  She's an incredible artist and can meet my whim be it flowers, palm trees, snowflakes or musical notes. I love my Cindy!  Half of the fun is seeing what she'll come up with each time, but the other part of it is the relationship we've developed over time.  She knows me, my story,  my people, my likes and dislikes (she knows not to offer pink...I'm a purple girl)...and she knows this is 'my time' being spent being pampered before I go back to my life as 24/7 caregiver.is a big part of my keeping my sanity.   I book our appointments weeks in advance, I arrange my schedule around when she's available, arrange respite and child-care for my son, and most times make it a mother-daughter event with my Mom...whose Cindy is Linda.  It's probably important to note that both my mom and I are primary caregivers for family members who have intense support needs.  My son Shane has Cerebral Palsy and my dad suffered a debilitating stroke.  We are both on call 24/7 doing what needs to be done to meet their needs, so personal time is precious and takes a lot of coordinating.
     So, on August 22 Mom and I headed to the Clarion having booked the appointments six weeks in advance...with our 'people'.  It was going to be a great day as always!  We'd both looked forward to it for days.  When we arrived at the Clarion, we were greeted by the receptionist.  out of the corner of my eye I saw two ladies I'd never seen before standing off to the side, obviously waiting for their customers to arrive.  As we finished the formalities at the front desk the ladies stepped forward and introduced themselves saying that they'd be providing our services for the day.  I can honestly say I was so taken aback that to this day I don't recall the name of the young lady that shook my hand, but I fear she will remember mine.
     "Where's Cindy?", I asked looking around.
     "She's busy with another customer today," said the receptionist.
     "She can't be," I said.  "I always have Cindy...I requested her specifically."
     ""I'm sorry Ma'am (making matters worse...I hate being called ma'am")  They must not have noted it on your chart.  Cindy isn't available at all today.  We could reschedule your appointments for tomorrow if you'd like...it looks like that is a possibility."
     Inside my head I started to scream.  "Are you crazy!!!! We live two hours away;  we've had to book this day for weeks with respite and support....we can't just come back tomorrow!  We didn't by-pass all the options in Portage just for any old pedicures!  We want our people!  I WANT MY CINDY!!!"...but outwardly I just said, "no, that's fine."
     But it wasn't fine.  It wasn't fine at all, and even though I'm noramlly a calm, pleasant, rational middle age female professional...for the next hour I was a mess!  I felt a knot in my stomach and a clenching in my fists and teeth.  I wanted to be pleasant but I was angry and frustrated and disappointed that my expectations could not and would not be met.  i kept talking to myself in my head saying..."Just relax, it's only a pedicure, it's not the end of the world.  You can try to come back in a couple of weeks and get Cindy to fix things.  But...'myself'....just would not listen!  I couldn't relax!  I couldn't be pleasant!  I couldn't enjoy my time!  I was a breath away from 'Having a Behavior'!!!!!  And my poor mother...she had never seen me in a mood like this before, it even took her aback.
     As I sat there fuming, it suddenly occurred to me that this is what Alice must experience every time her expectations are not met!  If my mood can be altered so negatively because the person that normally points my toes is replaced now does she feel every time a staff person that she does not know and does not trust and does not have a relationship with shows up in HER home to provide for all of her personal needs?  How does she feel when she wakes up in the morning and finds that the staff she'd expected to be there has been replaced with a stranger, or worse a male stranger, because that was the only person available to fill the shift?  When the things that she's planned for the day get changed because the support person doesn't understand her communication or doesn't feel like doing what she has chosen to do?  The light bulb in my frazzled head lit up!
     I thought about my frustration, being a person who can very clearly express what's upsetting me, yet still feeling so upset sitting in this chair with a stranger, not 'my' Cindy.   I suddenly, finally, realized how utterly hopeless Alice must feel when this continually happens to her week after week, month after month, year after year.  I I wore her shoes I'd be throwing furniture too!  You are damn right I would!
     What started out as one of themost maddening, frustrating, disappointing hours suddenly turned out to be one of the best learning experiences I've had in my work in this field.  I still hated my toes, I still couldn't forgive the Clarion for messing up one of my special mother/daughter days, I was still frustrated by what had happened, but I did gain a very valuable understanding of what it must be like to have that lack of control in the day in day out experience that is your life story. For that, I will always be truly grateful.
     Today when people talk about how frustrating it is to work with certain people who exhibit behaviors I tend to look down at my now corrected 'Cindy Toes' and think to myself, 'Yes, I'm sure that it is...but have you put yourself in their shoes for a day?"  Then I pose the question to them.  Wouldn't it make an incredible difference in the lives of the people we support if indeed each of us could actually say that 'Yes, we've been in their shoes"?  Even if those shoes were sandals during a pedicure where all the things we'd anticipated did not happen. 

     That was my story from 2008.  It earned me a 25/25 on grading, but it has taught me a lesson that I never forget when someone talks about the 'behaviors' of someone they support.  What is all the background information?  What were they expecting?  What actually happened that led to the 'behavior'? And on one final note....the Clarion has never not given me 'my' Cindy since that not so great day...and for that I am truly grateful!
    
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Compassionate Friends

12/11/2014

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One of my favorite pictures.  I don't even know who captured it, from a long, long time ago,but still makes my heart sing.

I've been a little quiet on hear of late.  As far as the presenting goes life has been keeping both Trem and I busy on other fronts, and I've dedicated less time to this side of my world.  But I always trust that life is unfolding as it should, and we have some great opportunities coming up in the new year!  We have been asked to present at next year's CCDDA Conference in Winnipeg in June, and that's huge, so we are both excited and honored to have been invited!

For now, I've been sharing my talent and story on other fronts.  Most recently providing music for the local Compassionate Friends Chapter's annual Candle Light Remembrance Service.  I know that if I hadn't shared the journey of all those other parents who have lost children, that I couldn't sing their experience in a way that helps them to heal and get through this very difficult season.  I feel so fortunate that I've been given the tools that allow me to do that, and the strength to be able to.  I thank Shane for that.  And being a part of that evening reminded me in the power and the strength that friendship has in helping us to endure the absolutely worst things that life can throw at us.  Not simply endure, but to come out the other side of it.

Just my friend is about the story of Trem and Shane's lives, living with and without disability.  But as Trem and I always try to ensure people realize, it's not just about opening yourself up to someone who has a disability. It's about opening your heart to others who are different from you in any way, whether its race, color, religion or any of the things that might have us see someone as being different.  It's about being open and aware of the fact that friendship is precious and invaluable to all of us.  Its what widens our worlds and our perspectives.  It gives us a sense of belonging that we can't get anywhere else. It is so, so important in this struggling world we live in and by offering our friendship to another, we can change the trajectory of a life.  We can help them rewrite their story and open up possibilities that could not have been available without had we not connected at some deeper level. 

I've been thinking so much about that over the last many weeks, hearing the news that is going on around the world.  The missing and murdered, the racial clashes, the heartbreak that is happening in all corners of this magnificent earth we all share.  What is it going to take for people to open themselves up.  See that we are all one people, sharing this one planet and that we could accomplish so much by building each other up, rather than by tearing each other down.  

Those are the thoughts and questions that are really filling my head and heart these days.  They are also what keeps me so grateful for the many gifts of friendship that I've been blessed with over the course of my life.  I can't imagine my journey without a single one of you! 

Over the holiday season, I hope my presents will be my presence to my family, my friends and the small parts of the world that I can impact and influence.  By lending my voice and my own abilities to causes that can move this world of our closer to the peace and belonging that we all yearn for, maybe I can be a small ripple in this huge ocean that we co-exist in.  That would be a gift!

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Children have the potential to change the world!

10/25/2014

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Last Friday Trem and I were invited to MacGregor Elementary School to share our story with the Grade 5 and 6 students there. It's what we've talked about being an important avenue to share our story through, but this was our first opportunity to talk to kids in that age group. We were both a little nervous, I'll admit. 

It was amazing to be there at MEC, back in the building and the atmosphere where the whole story began. Sharing the memories, the joys, the heartache, the anger of the dreaded 'anonymous letter' and the tragedy of Shane's passing. Fifty-some pairs of eyes upon us, encouraging us on, engaged in our story and being open and willing share their own experiences. It was an amazing afternoon, and we both so appreciate those children and their teachers who spent the time with us.

But isn't there always something so cathartic about sharing our story and our memories and our learning with those that we hope will carry that seed of insight with them into their own day to day lives? The vibrant, engaged faces of those beautiful children gave me absolute hope that the story we shared will live on, that lessons will be digested and shared, that wisdom will be passed along by them to others whose lives they will reach.

That's really what all of life, and this work in particular, is about isn't it? Having the courage to stand in the middle of our messy, heartbreaking, earth shattering stories...and trust that the listener is walking that path with us as we work our way through the memories...good and bad, sweet and sour, life nurturing and soul challenging. Our greatest of human hopes is that when we've had the courage to share that deep, protected part of ourselves with another that our vulnerability in doing so will be honored and respected. That the lessons learned and shared will be seen as the valuable possibilities that they are. Possibilities of a better time, a better understanding, a better future and a better world for all of us, regardless of our strengths and abilities.  

My deepest gratitude to those students for your kind attention and engagement as Trem and I shared. My fondest wish is that you'll remember pieces of Shane's story and message as you travel on through life. I hope you know the power and the impact that your understanding and sharing those lessons may possess, because you are the generation that has the potential to change the world as we know it. As young as you may be now, you have the wisdom, the tools and the technology to be leaders in a tomorrow that will see all persons valued as equal and all people embraced by their communities. What a gift you are this world of ours! Thanks for being you!  
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Kanye Questions

9/16/2014

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Kanye pushing all fans to stand. Photo from BING photos.
My son has been gone for over five years now, so we currently don't live day to day in the world of disabilities that directed our lives for so long.  However, a huge part of my heart still remains there, and I think it always will,

On some days, like today, I feel a little piece of it crack and break with the sadness of events that go on around the world. Seeing the recent Kanye West video of his concert
Qantas Credit Union Arena in Sydney on Friday (Sept. 12) was one of those events.


Although I can see now it's been a big news maker on many television fronts, it came to my attention through Facebook, on a link another mother shared and the accompanying Bill Board article about the event.  (Click here to read the full article).  It began when West called out two people in an audience of thousands for not standing when he asked the entire crowd to stand up before performing a song.  One person was in a wheelchair, the other had a prosthetic that wouldn't allow them to stand.  It turned into a full four minutes of singling out two individuals that ended up being the focus of all others in attendance, while the show was held up.  The booing and the chanting "stand up, stand up" continued until West's security determined the wheelchair was in fact real, and finally the show resumed.

So many of us have such a small circle of influence, where we can change a few hearts, minds, and beliefs through our words and actions.  We're always hoping to plant just a couple of small seeds that will move the world towards a more inclusive and accepting place for all people and would love to have the kind of reach and impact that Kanye has.  With West's ability to reach so many people, used in a positive way  this could have been such a wonderful teaching moment for those thousands of fans who live life with able bodies.  Instead it turned into a mockery.  What a sad message to send and what a missed opportunity to move our world forward.

My biggest heartache is for those two individuals.  To have been singled out that way, and made to feel so different and isolated in a world where decades have been dedicated to bring people with all kinds of abilities into typical community places and events.  It must have been horrible for them, and sad for the movement towards inclusion and participation.


I've explored deeper to see where things went from there.  I do see that almost 5 million people saw the video of the incident that was only published 3 days ago, and it has hit some of the big news.  In one video Kanye seems more intent on
making sure that the morning news shows don't 'demonize' him, without ever saying that he might have done things differently in retrospect.  In another he says there was 'no malicious' intent.  Another actually referred to a concert in Austin earlier in the summer when he assisted a young person in a wheelchair to get a better place to sit so he could actually see the concert.  

I don't know him, and won't profess to guess where it all stemmed from.  Maya Angelou said "we do what we do, when we know better we do better. "  Whatever happened, lets hope there's a turnaround lesson learned for the next time, for the artist and his fans.  Lets hope some of those 5 million viewers were advocates or self-advocates who are bothered enough by it that they are inspired to continue to educate those in their circle of influence.  Circles ripple and seeds grow,  so maybe this will be a trigger to so that change can continue to happen and others continue to grow forward by speaking up. 

Maybe the bigger question, h
ow can we help people of influence to know better, to understand the journey more deeply  and to use those teachable  moments to celebrate and include difference.
 

Till next time

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"...I am just human..."

4/5/2014

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I am always so proud when the people we work with and for find their own voice to help move the world forward into a more accepting and inclusive place!  I don't know Bob Hebert, but I know he speaks volumes as a teacher to all of those whose live he touches!  Wonderful stuff!!!

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Five years later....

3/11/2014

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PictureOne of my favorite memories...On an air-boat in the Everglades...precious memories!
Yesterday, March 10, 2014, marked five years since Shane’s passing. Five years since the night that I turned off the light in that hospital room, only to flick it back on twenty minutes later and realize that in that short span of time life as I knew it at had ended.  Five years..
There’s a saying I’ve heard that says ‘the days go slow…but the years go fast…’  I get that.  That is so how it feels in this new existence.  Some days seem to drag on endlessly…some, where your heart aches and just can’t keep up with the reality that your head continues to pound into it..those days drag on endlessly.  But the years?  In honesty, they seem to have flown…so fast, with so many changes, so many happenings, so much adjustment.

When Shane first passed I read that it takes five years to once again begin to feel normal after the loss of a child…to begin to breathe normally, to function normally, to live ‘normally’, so as you can imagine I have waited for this date.  I have waited for this five year anniversary where I might start to recognize myself and experience some sense of normalcy once again. 

Now that date has come and gone…but the sad reality is that there is no return to what was known to be normal.  However, there is a more gentle acceptance of what is.  So maybe that is a better description of what the five year marker means…not a return to normal…rather an acceptance of what is, and the ability to live relatively comfortably in that.  So maybe…that is where I am..where we are…and that’s okay.

What has been most interesting to me is that what I thought might have become easier by now, really hasn’t.  I thought that the time might have come when I’d miss Shane a little less…that I might be used to his not being here and be more content with that.  But strangely, I continue to miss that young man so darn much it’s incredible.  It still takes my breath away on a daily basis.  I wonder what the scheduled timelines are for that to change? My guess…there are none…it’s all uncharted water.

So now, five years after the fact, these are the things I know for sure. 

  •  I do still continue to miss that beautiful child of mine every minute of my day.  He is a part of every breath I take and every action I make, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.  Whatever your spiritual beliefs might be, mine tell me that he reaches out to me daily in symbolism and experiences that let me know he is out of sight, but he is never too far away.
  • Shane’s force is as strong in the world today as it was when he lived here with us, and maybe even stronger.  For me and others that loved him, he’s become our passion and our purpose to continue to make change in the world for all the other ‘Shanes’.  His life may have ended, but his mission continues.
  • With time it does become easier to let go of the mementos and keepsakes that you cling to in the early period of the loss…but as you find you’re able to release what you cling to, those that you release those treasures to value and cherish them in a way you might not have believed possible earlier on.  You only keep what you give away….so pass the magic of the memories along.
  • Shane gifted our lives with his existence for a reason…and every time Trem and I share the story of their friendship, his lessons, our memories….that reason becomes more concrete, more real, more important and intentional for both of us.  We all have a greater purpose on this earth than we can ever even imagine.  Love, joy, connection, acceptance…those are our highest reasons for being here …and the most beautiful thing for me is that in every opportunity to share that story…those are the emotions I experience…Love, joy, connection and acceptance…a state of bliss…a state of flow in sharing our story.    And that tells me that in doing what we are doing in sharing that story, I am being offered an opportunity to share my highest purpose to do my part in moving the world closer to being a place of acceptance, inclusion and equality.  What a gift…what an opportunity.  Thank you for that Shane…love you forever…like you for always…as long as I’m living…my baby you’ll be. xoxo


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The greatest photo, Shane in the grape leaves, taken by Bianca Bell for my Christmas present project they planned
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Sharing our story with CBC Radio Noon February 2013

2/12/2014

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Love looking back into the archives of what has happened over the past with our 'Just My Friend' presentation.  This week I was reminded of the interview we did last year in conjunction with 'Inclusive Education Week' in sharing our story about why it is so important for Trem and I to continue to share the story of the friendship that had developed between Trem and my son,
Shane Dickson. 

I love that last year we were fine-tuning the presentation, and this year we will be presenting at the MCEC conference at the Victoria Inn next week, in celebration of Inclusive Education and all that it means to all stake holders.  We are both very proud that we have this opportunity to share the story of the friendship that developed between the boys, and remained as they grew into young men.  We love that this story has the potential to ignite possibilities for other children with and without disabilities to create deep, lasting connections with each other.  And what we really love is having the chance to keep Shane's incredible memory and legacy alive by being able to share him with you, through our memories and perspective! Thank you so much for allowing us to do that, and please come out and join us when you see us at an event near you!

Our love and gratitude..
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    Lynda and Trem are Grateful knowing....

    we are so lucky to have this opportunity to share the things we are doing, and the many things we are learning as we continue to work towards inclusion in all areas of the world we live in !  
    We appreciate having this opportunity to share our experiences here, as we all grow together! 
    Thank you for being part of our journey!

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