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We are all walking each other home

12/1/2017

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Newborn baby Shane, before we knew what lay ahead of us.
​The call came in yesterday, from an acquaintance back in Manitoba that I’ve known for many, many years.  He’s not necessarily someone that I’ve had the opportunity to know well, but even though our cultures and lifestyles varied substantially, he’s still someone I’ve always had a good relationship with.  The call was on my husband’s phone, but it soon became apparent that I was the person he was needing to talk to, the one that could provide the answers to the many questions that had arisen for him.

In conversations of years ago, Cecil had approached him about the possibility of fabricating a travel buggy for Shane similar to one that we’d seen on our travels to Tofino, BC for Shane’s Sunshine Dream in 2004.  Although nothing came from the conversation in terms of the buggy, it did let this gentleman know, for the first time, that we had a son living with special needs.  Now, all these many years later, he remembered that when his own grandson was born and given a label at birth.  The family suddenly found themselves new-comers in the world we’d navigated all those years for Shane, and he wondered if he could ask some questions.
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We chatted on the phone for about an hour. I told him some of the many, many things I’d learned in living in the system that supported children with disabilities to live life.  I heard myself passionately sharing some of the opportunities that are available now, the social media changes that have allowed families more access to others who are experiencing the same, the things that our children will teach us.  I shared some of things we never realized we needed to learn until they came into our lives.  We talked about some of the fears, the grief and the new learning that will have to take place now that they’ve been advised they are going to be taking the road less travelled. I hope at the end of our talk he was able to feel a little more hopeful and optimistic about the years ahead.  There will be struggles and challenges, but there will also be so much joy given by this precious new life that has been given to them. 
​I ended our conversation with a promise to send him a couple of the books that I’ve written, and heard myself quoting Rumi, saying ‘we are all really just walking each other home’, telling him of my own belief that when we’ve been given the wisdom and knowledge that only life experience can offer us, we have it within our power to ease the journey of so many others if we just share what we’ve learned.

Last night, just as I was drifting off to sleep, I recalled that conversation.  Once again, that age old question ‘What is my real purpose here’ rose up in my head, as I know it does for so many of you as well.  Only this time, the answer became so clear to me.  It rested in the words I had said on the phone.  It’s in almost everything that I’ve worked towards in the years since Shane died, and that has been and continues to be share his story.  Share his message.  Share his teachings.  Share the light of his incredible spirit.
I thought about all that I have undertaken and done.  The songs, the books, the presentations are all a part of that.  I realized however that those just touch the tip of an iceberg that runs so deep below the surface.  I realized that within me is a lifetime of all little, unshared pearls of information.  Things that worked, things that really didn’t but were stepping stones that led to something else that did.  Stories of our journey that might offer hope and inspiration to someone else, just when they really need it.  As I lost consciousness and fell asleep, my last thoughts were that it’s time to start more earnestly and intentionally than I have thus far. If not now, when?

The ground work has been laid.  Now the next stage begins, and I’m so glad that you’ve chosen to join me here. In the weeks and months ahead, I will continue to share those things, to build this website further so that it will offer links and ideas to others.  My greatest hope, is that as I embark on this mission, that you’ll join me with your own input and learnings!  The world about us is changing hourly.  New things are offered, new ideas are brought to reality, and new children are born that need what we’ve learned and continue to learn to be able to thrive in our world.
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I know by the speed that my fingers type as I write this down, that I’m onto something very important to what part of my legacy is going to be.  When we lose ourselves in the moment of what you’re doing, that’s when we know we’re getting closer to answering that age-old question, ‘why am I here’.  I am here for you, just as you’re here for me, because the truth is we really are all just walking each other home.  Together, let’s make that journey incredible!
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The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it a way. Pablo Picasso
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All because I love you. All because you love me.

1/18/2016

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Look at my life. I'm floating like mercury around the earth.
My footprints shine with stardust.
All because I love you. All because you love me.

Maya Angelou
My Dear Shane,

We're here again....January 18...your birthday...my forever changed day...and for all that has changed, there is one thing that hasn't.  I still miss you and spend this day with you so close in my heart that I can feel you here beside me.

I've been wandering around the house, knowing that I should sit down and actually attempt to accomplish something, but accept maybe this will be my accomplishment today.  Then I ask myself...do I really need to do more, than to spend this day remembering and honouring?

I remember listening to Nate on Oprah a few years ago.  Talking about his partner who died in the tsunami years ago.  His advice to a grieving Mother on that show was not to let dates, like birthdays, control your emotions or define you..but I've always wondered how he thought we Mothers, who have lost our children, could actually do that?  Because a child's birthdate is also the date that we, as the Mom, changed forever...from who we were into 'Mom'...and that change is something that can never be forgotten, nor do I believe it should be.  We all celebrate our life's milestones...anniversaries, accomplishments, recoveries...and with that, I'll continue to celebrate you, and who I became because of you, on this date.  If I were to begin to forget that...I believe I'd begin to forget who I am..."All because I love you.  All because you love me."  I don't want that to ever happen,  that will mean life has ended. 

I'm trying to imagine you at 24 today.  I spend time with Trem, and try to picture you at that age.  I can't.  

I begin to wonder what life would be like today if you were still here.  Would any of the plans I was so carefully working on have happened?  Would you be out in the world on your own, living independently with a friend?  Or would I have chickened out, as I suspect I might have, and still be keeping you here with me...close and safe?  Things we'll never really know, but things I have to ask myself over and over, when I am talking to other parents who are challenged and afraid to 'let go' or 'hold on differently' to their own children.  Could I really have released you into the world so easily?  Maybe you knew the answer, and chose to release yourself into more in a different way.  I wonder about that sometimes. 

I remember reading the book 'The Shack' by William P. Young a few years ago.  There's a place in that book that has stuck with me always, where the daughter who had passed visits her siblings at night through dreams, to play and connect.  I like that idea, because if it is so, I know there isn't a week goes by where you don't come to visit me.  Sometimes you come as the baby you were.  Sometimes as a young man who is able-bodied and free, as my heart believes you now are.  Sometimes in the body we both knew so well, with all of its challenges and struggles.  In some dreams you are there just to give the love and hugs that you were so very, very good at giving, and I am allowed to just wrap my arms around you and hold on tight. To smell your hair and feel your warmth.  I love those dreams.    In others....I think you purposefully come to remind me that as much as I miss you every day, life was not easy for either of us.  Life was good, life was full, but life was not easy.  I believe you work hard to remind me of that on the days when I wish you back here with me.  Just as you taught me a million lessons that I needed to learn in your life...you continue to be my teacher in your passing.  "All because I love you.  All because you love me."

I think in some of those dreams you also come to remind me that the work isn't done.  That the lessons we learned together are not to be forgotten, or neglected, because there are still others that can be supported on their own journey by what we learned together.  When I get lazy..or maybe just lost..you slip back in at night, with reminders of those whose lives I could still affect, then slip away again.  It is kind of like....I can run, but I cannot hide...from that element of my purpose.  You won't let me. 

So, now I'd better go and start the day.  A day, so different in so many ways from the ones we shared, but in other ways,  I am still guided by you and your life..to do, to share, to make change where I can.  Though many of my hours are spent with a different focus, there is still the underlying thread of your life that says 'keep reaching out, keep advocating, keep telling the stories that will move the world forward' into a better place for people of all abilities.  You did that.  You unleashed that passion in me, and in Trem, and in Bianca and Cecil...and others that I likely don't even know of.  Because of you, there are lives that are being made better every single day, by one small act of kindness or support or another.  

The other day I read this quote.  "We originate from the stars, we are star people. Once we finish doing what we come here to do, we go back up to those stars." by Wilfred Buck.  It brought me back to this picture of you and I and the Maya quote that Janis had put on it and sent back to me when I lost you.  You finished doing what you came here to do, I guess I still have work to be done.  So on this date I will continue to remember and celebrate and honour you...always, until we are both 'back up to those stars.'  'All because I love you.  All because you love me.' 


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Finding purpose in the sharing of stories...

7/17/2015

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Don't we all just have those days, when you're just not sure what it is all about?  What you're meant to be doing, or saying or achieving in life?  Days when the questions far out weigh the answers?

As a Mother who has lost her child, I know I struggle with that often.  Even though it's been six years now, and life has taken on a new form and a different flow, there are still those days where I ask myself what is it all about.  What were all the lessons that I had to learn for anyways?   What are the next steps when what you believed your purpose was has changed so drastically?  What now?

I have more irons in the fire and things on my to-do list than just about anyone I know.  The endless little piles of projects and ideas and things to yet be accomplished are scattered beyond my office, they area throughout my home, as I pick at pieces of what might be next, trying to put it all together in a way that makes sense of life.  I read and re-read the writings in my journal, seeing myself asking myself that question so often.  The answer is so close, but still just out of reach most days. 

I become so busy being busy, that I neglect to sit back and just review and reflect. I know it's important, I encourage and challenge others to do it all the time through my life coaching. But like all people, sometimes I neglect to take my own knowing and turn it into action. Then I get a day like today

This morning, in an effort to get through one of the piles on my desk, I came across some of the feedback forms that we'd received after our presentation at the CCDDA conference in Winnipeg in June. I'd read them quickly then, but not since in all the things that we've been 'busy' at. So this morning, I took the time to scan them into my files, and post some of the authorized testimonials on our website, and in doing so, was reminded of what is so much a part of my purpose. I am filled with gratitude.

The kind words, the heartfelt encouragement and gratitude for what Trem and I share, reminded me of just how important it is that we do keep sharing. That we continue to tell Shane's story...our story...and his lessons and his teachings to us...because he was one of the greatest teacher's that I have ever known. To be able to share that and reach the hearts of others through our words and my music is such an honor...such a gift.  

Sometimes I need to gently remind myself, that it was not all for nothing. That there was meaning, and knowledge and wisdom that was gathered on every step of our journey together, and that by continuing to share it with others, we have the opportunity to make the journey of another less lonely. To share it ensures that nothing is lost.  To offer another parent hope that what they want most for their son or daughter...love and acceptance and meaningful relationships...can be possible. Not easy, not without intentional work and effort, but none the less possible.

Maybe something that worked for me will work for them. Maybe something that moved Trem to embrace that friendship, will inspire another to take those little steps that changed all of our worlds. Maybe ... just maybe... a child's life and a families experience will be just a little bit easier because of our being open and sharing what we went through with others.

Maybe that is the point of so much of our life's purpose and journey, every one of us. Just to share our story, teach what we learned through what worked and what didn't, to keep offering light, and hope and optimism to those that we encounter on this walk through life. We are all on different paths, but we all share the road we're traveling.   

Whether it's through presenting at a workshop or just being available to answer a question or offer a suggestion to another whose path is similar, maybe the purpose is just to do it with authenticity and an open heart..

And maybe when we need our own answers the most, they are given to us...through the kind, thoughtful feedback of others. Thank you all so much for that. 
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The Resilience and Brilliance of Special Needs Families

5/5/2015

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I the work I was doing with LIFE I had the pleasure of participating in a part of a project that was initiated called The Kitchen Table Conversations.  The Kitchen Table Conversations were a unique opportunity to witness first hand the resilience and the brilliance of Manitoba families whose children live with special needs.  It didn’t matter if their child was five or fifty five, the passion and desire that parents maintain to ensure their son or daughter has the most fulfilling life possible was the same.  Those of us that were honored to be invited into the lives of these incredible people were reminded once again that it is the relationships in people’s lives that give those lives meaning and opportunity.  Opportunities that funding and systems that have been put in place for people with differing needs alone could never provide.   Out-side the box thinking and the focus on inclusion was always paramount to ensure the best for their child.  For all that they have to go through to support their children, they are truly resilient. My personal knowledge of what they went through being a parent myself, only deepened my respect and awe of those we connected with.

One situation that struck me most deeply was in one of our earliest Kitchen Table Conversations, in the south central region of the province.  One of these amazing mothers shared the story of her son Darren, who lives his life on the Autism spectrum as well as being visually impaired since birth.  Darren has had the opportunity to be educated with same age peers in a typical school setting.  The supports put in place ensured that Darren continued his school years with these peers, developing strong and lasting friendships with many classmates.

However, as is the fear of so many parents who have children with special needs (myself included back in the day), his mother was concerned that in their middle teen years that Darren would begin to see less of his friends.   With everyone else having the opportunity to acquire their driver’s license and begin exploring life as the young adults that they were,  her fear of Darren getting left behind was beginning to be realized.

Determined not to let this happen, the mother came up with a plan that she hoped would ensure that Darren still had the regular contact and connection that was so very important to him.  Although Darren’s blindness prevented him from being able to get a driver’s license, it was not a deciding factor in whether or not he could own a car.  With that, she went out and purchased one for him.  She then made an offer to all of Darren’s friends.  Darren’s car was available to any of them to use at any time for any event that they wanted to get to, whether it was a sports game, a dance, a concert.  It didn’t matter to her.  There would be gas in the car and it would be ready to go.   Her only stipulation was that if they were taking the car out, they would take Darren with them. 

It didn’t take long before Darren’s car was hardly ever at home.  Neither was Darren!  All of these friends had passed and acquired their driver’s licenses, but none of them had cars or the kind of access to a vehicle that Darren’s mom offered them.   Darren’s teen years were a series of trips to Winnipeg for events of every kind.  Sunday drives in the country.  Cruising the main drag on a Friday evening.  All the things that teen age boys thrive on when that first taste of freedom comes attached to that little piece of paper called our driver’s license. 

As for Darren’s mom, she was never concerned about his safety, because these were his friends.  They’d grown up together, played together and learned together.  She knew that his best interest was always at the top of their minds and they appreciated the opportunity that they’d been given far too much to ever risk losing it. 

Now they are all older, Darren’s car is not nearly as attractive as the vehicles his friends have managed to buy for themselves.  But because of the support those relationships were given, thanks to the old car, Darren is a regular fixture in the sports cars they’ve traded up to.  Brilliant!

Families do amazing things to facilitate friendship and relationship for their children with special needs.  There are thousands of incredible stories out there, and we'd love to hear them!  We'd love for this space to be place where families and people share their incredible stories of the things that they've done to inspire inclusion and acceptance of their loved onw in a world where differences can keep us separated, but the love of those who care keep us connected. 

Just My Friend is all about that...connections, relationships and inclusion.  In the end, what more really matters? The photos I chose are to bring the point home, from our own efforts in organizing Shane's own Sunshine Dreams for Kids which was one of our personal efforts to ensure that Shane's experiences included his friend and his sister...who people that could best share his story.

Do you have a story you'd like to share, or know of a family that is doing amazing things to ensure the relationships that are so important to their son or daughter's experience are being supported to continue?  We would just love to hear them!

Until next time,


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Compassionate Friends

12/11/2014

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One of my favorite pictures.  I don't even know who captured it, from a long, long time ago,but still makes my heart sing.

I've been a little quiet on hear of late.  As far as the presenting goes life has been keeping both Trem and I busy on other fronts, and I've dedicated less time to this side of my world.  But I always trust that life is unfolding as it should, and we have some great opportunities coming up in the new year!  We have been asked to present at next year's CCDDA Conference in Winnipeg in June, and that's huge, so we are both excited and honored to have been invited!

For now, I've been sharing my talent and story on other fronts.  Most recently providing music for the local Compassionate Friends Chapter's annual Candle Light Remembrance Service.  I know that if I hadn't shared the journey of all those other parents who have lost children, that I couldn't sing their experience in a way that helps them to heal and get through this very difficult season.  I feel so fortunate that I've been given the tools that allow me to do that, and the strength to be able to.  I thank Shane for that.  And being a part of that evening reminded me in the power and the strength that friendship has in helping us to endure the absolutely worst things that life can throw at us.  Not simply endure, but to come out the other side of it.

Just my friend is about the story of Trem and Shane's lives, living with and without disability.  But as Trem and I always try to ensure people realize, it's not just about opening yourself up to someone who has a disability. It's about opening your heart to others who are different from you in any way, whether its race, color, religion or any of the things that might have us see someone as being different.  It's about being open and aware of the fact that friendship is precious and invaluable to all of us.  Its what widens our worlds and our perspectives.  It gives us a sense of belonging that we can't get anywhere else. It is so, so important in this struggling world we live in and by offering our friendship to another, we can change the trajectory of a life.  We can help them rewrite their story and open up possibilities that could not have been available without had we not connected at some deeper level. 

I've been thinking so much about that over the last many weeks, hearing the news that is going on around the world.  The missing and murdered, the racial clashes, the heartbreak that is happening in all corners of this magnificent earth we all share.  What is it going to take for people to open themselves up.  See that we are all one people, sharing this one planet and that we could accomplish so much by building each other up, rather than by tearing each other down.  

Those are the thoughts and questions that are really filling my head and heart these days.  They are also what keeps me so grateful for the many gifts of friendship that I've been blessed with over the course of my life.  I can't imagine my journey without a single one of you! 

Over the holiday season, I hope my presents will be my presence to my family, my friends and the small parts of the world that I can impact and influence.  By lending my voice and my own abilities to causes that can move this world of our closer to the peace and belonging that we all yearn for, maybe I can be a small ripple in this huge ocean that we co-exist in.  That would be a gift!

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Children have the potential to change the world!

10/25/2014

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Last Friday Trem and I were invited to MacGregor Elementary School to share our story with the Grade 5 and 6 students there. It's what we've talked about being an important avenue to share our story through, but this was our first opportunity to talk to kids in that age group. We were both a little nervous, I'll admit. 

It was amazing to be there at MEC, back in the building and the atmosphere where the whole story began. Sharing the memories, the joys, the heartache, the anger of the dreaded 'anonymous letter' and the tragedy of Shane's passing. Fifty-some pairs of eyes upon us, encouraging us on, engaged in our story and being open and willing share their own experiences. It was an amazing afternoon, and we both so appreciate those children and their teachers who spent the time with us.

But isn't there always something so cathartic about sharing our story and our memories and our learning with those that we hope will carry that seed of insight with them into their own day to day lives? The vibrant, engaged faces of those beautiful children gave me absolute hope that the story we shared will live on, that lessons will be digested and shared, that wisdom will be passed along by them to others whose lives they will reach.

That's really what all of life, and this work in particular, is about isn't it? Having the courage to stand in the middle of our messy, heartbreaking, earth shattering stories...and trust that the listener is walking that path with us as we work our way through the memories...good and bad, sweet and sour, life nurturing and soul challenging. Our greatest of human hopes is that when we've had the courage to share that deep, protected part of ourselves with another that our vulnerability in doing so will be honored and respected. That the lessons learned and shared will be seen as the valuable possibilities that they are. Possibilities of a better time, a better understanding, a better future and a better world for all of us, regardless of our strengths and abilities.  

My deepest gratitude to those students for your kind attention and engagement as Trem and I shared. My fondest wish is that you'll remember pieces of Shane's story and message as you travel on through life. I hope you know the power and the impact that your understanding and sharing those lessons may possess, because you are the generation that has the potential to change the world as we know it. As young as you may be now, you have the wisdom, the tools and the technology to be leaders in a tomorrow that will see all persons valued as equal and all people embraced by their communities. What a gift you are this world of ours! Thanks for being you!  
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"...I am just human..."

4/5/2014

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I am always so proud when the people we work with and for find their own voice to help move the world forward into a more accepting and inclusive place!  I don't know Bob Hebert, but I know he speaks volumes as a teacher to all of those whose live he touches!  Wonderful stuff!!!

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Sharing our story with CBC Radio Noon February 2013

2/12/2014

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Love looking back into the archives of what has happened over the past with our 'Just My Friend' presentation.  This week I was reminded of the interview we did last year in conjunction with 'Inclusive Education Week' in sharing our story about why it is so important for Trem and I to continue to share the story of the friendship that had developed between Trem and my son,
Shane Dickson. 

I love that last year we were fine-tuning the presentation, and this year we will be presenting at the MCEC conference at the Victoria Inn next week, in celebration of Inclusive Education and all that it means to all stake holders.  We are both very proud that we have this opportunity to share the story of the friendship that developed between the boys, and remained as they grew into young men.  We love that this story has the potential to ignite possibilities for other children with and without disabilities to create deep, lasting connections with each other.  And what we really love is having the chance to keep Shane's incredible memory and legacy alive by being able to share him with you, through our memories and perspective! Thank you so much for allowing us to do that, and please come out and join us when you see us at an event near you!

Our love and gratitude..
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    Lynda and Trem are Grateful knowing....

    we are so lucky to have this opportunity to share the things we are doing, and the many things we are learning as we continue to work towards inclusion in all areas of the world we live in !  
    We appreciate having this opportunity to share our experiences here, as we all grow together! 
    Thank you for being part of our journey!

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