It's been a while!  A lot has happened...a lot!  A move across the county.  The purging and sorting of a life lived on the prairies. Pulling up our roots in Manitoba, replanting them in British Columbia.  What a ride it has been!  

The journey has always allowed for the things that are important...but sometimes those important things have been put on the back burner while other things took centre stage.  Telling our story has been one of those things I'm afraid.

The time has come though to begin saying yes to the opportunities as they arise, and that's just what Trem and I are doing.  It's more challenging now, being so many miles apart.  But what we've both agreed is that the story and the message that 'Just My Friend' shares is part of our live's missions.  Even when it's challenging and might not always make sense, in my heart it's important to say yes to what matters most.  This is one of those things.

Along with sharing our own story through our presentation, I am so excited that I'm also now able to share the stories of other parents who have walked a similar path to mine!  In the last months I have had the great honour of writing the book 'Family Matters' in collaboration with 'In the Company of Friends' parents and 'Innovative Life Options'.  That project of the heart is now in printed form, and the hope of all of us that were part of this is that the sharing of our stories will ease the journey of other, newer parents who walk this path alongside us.  The book includes a chapter about Shane that I hope will inspire, just as all the other wonderful people highlighted in the other chapters continue to do in sharing their own, unique journeys!

If that wasn't exciting enough, I've also assumed a new role of guiding and supporting new authors to self-publish their works, and one of the first books is called 'I am Just Like You' by Lesley Feldman.  It is a children's book that is aimed at reaching youngsters, helping them to accept and appreciate diversity.  We may all do things a little differently, but under the surface we are all more alike than different.  

So that is where things are at on this marvellous early, summer day.  We are presenting next week at Rock Lake Camp, to help this year's new counsellors gain a little better understanding of the world of special needs. Each life touched is another possibility for a more positive future for our world.  Let us know if there is an event you'd like to see us attend.  Stories shared are what help us all to grow forward.  Till next time, 

I the work I was doing with LIFE I had the pleasure of participating in a part of a project that was initiated called The Kitchen Table Conversations.  The Kitchen Table Conversations were a unique opportunity to witness first hand the resilience and the brilliance of Manitoba families whose children live with special needs.  It didn’t matter if their child was five or fifty five, the passion and desire that parents maintain to ensure their son or daughter has the most fulfilling life possible was the same.  Those of us that were honored to be invited into the lives of these incredible people were reminded once again that it is the relationships in people’s lives that give those lives meaning and opportunity.  Opportunities that funding and systems that have been put in place for people with differing needs alone could never provide.   Out-side the box thinking and the focus on inclusion was always paramount to ensure the best for their child.  For all that they have to go through to support their children, they are truly resilient. My personal knowledge of what they went through being a parent myself, only deepened my respect and awe of those we connected with.

One situation that struck me most deeply was in one of our earliest Kitchen Table Conversations, in the south central region of the province.  One of these amazing mothers shared the story of her son Darren, who lives his life on the Autism spectrum as well as being visually impaired since birth.  Darren has had the opportunity to be educated with same age peers in a typical school setting.  The supports put in place ensured that Darren continued his school years with these peers, developing strong and lasting friendships with many classmates.

However, as is the fear of so many parents who have children with special needs (myself included back in the day), his mother was concerned that in their middle teen years that Darren would begin to see less of his friends.   With everyone else having the opportunity to acquire their driver’s license and begin exploring life as the young adults that they were,  her fear of Darren getting left behind was beginning to be realized.

Determined not to let this happen, the mother came up with a plan that she hoped would ensure that Darren still had the regular contact and connection that was so very important to him.  Although Darren’s blindness prevented him from being able to get a driver’s license, it was not a deciding factor in whether or not he could own a car.  With that, she went out and purchased one for him.  She then made an offer to all of Darren’s friends.  Darren’s car was available to any of them to use at any time for any event that they wanted to get to, whether it was a sports game, a dance, a concert.  It didn’t matter to her.  There would be gas in the car and it would be ready to go.   Her only stipulation was that if they were taking the car out, they would take Darren with them. 

It didn’t take long before Darren’s car was hardly ever at home.  Neither was Darren!  All of these friends had passed and acquired their driver’s licenses, but none of them had cars or the kind of access to a vehicle that Darren’s mom offered them.   Darren’s teen years were a series of trips to Winnipeg for events of every kind.  Sunday drives in the country.  Cruising the main drag on a Friday evening.  All the things that teen age boys thrive on when that first taste of freedom comes attached to that little piece of paper called our driver’s license. 

As for Darren’s mom, she was never concerned about his safety, because these were his friends.  They’d grown up together, played together and learned together.  She knew that his best interest was always at the top of their minds and they appreciated the opportunity that they’d been given far too much to ever risk losing it. 

Now they are all older, Darren’s car is not nearly as attractive as the vehicles his friends have managed to buy for themselves.  But because of the support those relationships were given, thanks to the old car, Darren is a regular fixture in the sports cars they’ve traded up to.  Brilliant!

Families do amazing things to facilitate friendship and relationship for their children with special needs.  There are thousands of incredible stories out there, and we'd love to hear them!  We'd love for this space to be place where families and people share their incredible stories of the things that they've done to inspire inclusion and acceptance of their loved onw in a world where differences can keep us separated, but the love of those who care keep us connected. 

Just My Friend is all about that...connections, relationships and inclusion.  In the end, what more really matters? The photos I chose are to bring the point home, from our own efforts in organizing Shane's own Sunshine Dreams for Kids which was one of our personal efforts to ensure that Shane's experiences included his friend and his sister...who people that could best share his story.

Do you have a story you'd like to share, or know of a family that is doing amazing things to ensure the relationships that are so important to their son or daughter's experience are being supported to continue?  We would just love to hear them!

Until next time,

One of my favorite pictures.  I don't even know who captured it, from a long, long time ago,but still makes my heart sing.

I've been a little quiet on hear of late.  As far as the presenting goes life has been keeping both Trem and I busy on other fronts, and I've dedicated less time to this side of my world.  But I always trust that life is unfolding as it should, and we have some great opportunities coming up in the new year!  We have been asked to present at next year's CCDDA Conference in Winnipeg in June, and that's huge, so we are both excited and honored to have been invited!

For now, I've been sharing my talent and story on other fronts.  Most recently providing music for the local Compassionate Friends Chapter's annual Candle Light Remembrance Service.  I know that if I hadn't shared the journey of all those other parents who have lost children, that I couldn't sing their experience in a way that helps them to heal and get through this very difficult season.  I feel so fortunate that I've been given the tools that allow me to do that, and the strength to be able to.  I thank Shane for that.  And being a part of that evening reminded me in the power and the strength that friendship has in helping us to endure the absolutely worst things that life can throw at us.  Not simply endure, but to come out the other side of it.

Just my friend is about the story of Trem and Shane's lives, living with and without disability.  But as Trem and I always try to ensure people realize, it's not just about opening yourself up to someone who has a disability. It's about opening your heart to others who are different from you in any way, whether its race, color, religion or any of the things that might have us see someone as being different.  It's about being open and aware of the fact that friendship is precious and invaluable to all of us.  Its what widens our worlds and our perspectives.  It gives us a sense of belonging that we can't get anywhere else. It is so, so important in this struggling world we live in and by offering our friendship to another, we can change the trajectory of a life.  We can help them rewrite their story and open up possibilities that could not have been available without had we not connected at some deeper level. 

I've been thinking so much about that over the last many weeks, hearing the news that is going on around the world.  The missing and murdered, the racial clashes, the heartbreak that is happening in all corners of this magnificent earth we all share.  What is it going to take for people to open themselves up.  See that we are all one people, sharing this one planet and that we could accomplish so much by building each other up, rather than by tearing each other down.  

Those are the thoughts and questions that are really filling my head and heart these days.  They are also what keeps me so grateful for the many gifts of friendship that I've been blessed with over the course of my life.  I can't imagine my journey without a single one of you! 

Over the holiday season, I hope my presents will be my presence to my family, my friends and the small parts of the world that I can impact and influence.  By lending my voice and my own abilities to causes that can move this world of our closer to the peace and belonging that we all yearn for, maybe I can be a small ripple in this huge ocean that we co-exist in.  That would be a gift!

Last Friday Trem and I were invited to MacGregor Elementary School to share our story with the Grade 5 and 6 students there. It's what we've talked about being an important avenue to share our story through, but this was our first opportunity to talk to kids in that age group. We were both a little nervous, I'll admit. 

It was amazing to be there at MEC, back in the building and the atmosphere where the whole story began. Sharing the memories, the joys, the heartache, the anger of the dreaded 'anonymous letter' and the tragedy of Shane's passing. Fifty-some pairs of eyes upon us, encouraging us on, engaged in our story and being open and willing share their own experiences. It was an amazing afternoon, and we both so appreciate those children and their teachers who spent the time with us.

But isn't there always something so cathartic about sharing our story and our memories and our learning with those that we hope will carry that seed of insight with them into their own day to day lives? The vibrant, engaged faces of those beautiful children gave me absolute hope that the story we shared will live on, that lessons will be digested and shared, that wisdom will be passed along by them to others whose lives they will reach.

That's really what all of life, and this work in particular, is about isn't it? Having the courage to stand in the middle of our messy, heartbreaking, earth shattering stories...and trust that the listener is walking that path with us as we work our way through the memories...good and bad, sweet and sour, life nurturing and soul challenging. Our greatest of human hopes is that when we've had the courage to share that deep, protected part of ourselves with another that our vulnerability in doing so will be honored and respected. That the lessons learned and shared will be seen as the valuable possibilities that they are. Possibilities of a better time, a better understanding, a better future and a better world for all of us, regardless of our strengths and abilities.  

My deepest gratitude to those students for your kind attention and engagement as Trem and I shared. My fondest wish is that you'll remember pieces of Shane's story and message as you travel on through life. I hope you know the power and the impact that your understanding and sharing those lessons may possess, because you are the generation that has the potential to change the world as we know it. As young as you may be now, you have the wisdom, the tools and the technology to be leaders in a tomorrow that will see all persons valued as equal and all people embraced by their communities. What a gift you are this world of ours! Thanks for being you!  

Yesterday, March 10, 2014, marked five years since Shane’s passing. Five years since the night that I turned off the light in that hospital room, only to flick it back on twenty minutes later and realize that in that short span of time life as I knew it at had ended.  Five years..
There’s a saying I’ve heard that says ‘the days go slow…but the years go fast…’  I get that.  That is so how it feels in this new existence.  Some days seem to drag on endlessly…some, where your heart aches and just can’t keep up with the reality that your head continues to pound into it..those days drag on endlessly.  But the years?  In honesty, they seem to have flown…so fast, with so many changes, so many happenings, so much adjustment.

When Shane first passed I read that it takes five years to once again begin to feel normal after the loss of a child…to begin to breathe normally, to function normally, to live ‘normally’, so as you can imagine I have waited for this date.  I have waited for this five year anniversary where I might start to recognize myself and experience some sense of normalcy once again. 

Now that date has come and gone…but the sad reality is that there is no return to what was known to be normal.  However, there is a more gentle acceptance of what is.  So maybe that is a better description of what the five year marker means…not a return to normal…rather an acceptance of what is, and the ability to live relatively comfortably in that.  So maybe…that is where I am..where we are…and that’s okay.

What has been most interesting to me is that what I thought might have become easier by now, really hasn’t.  I thought that the time might have come when I’d miss Shane a little less…that I might be used to his not being here and be more content with that.  But strangely, I continue to miss that young man so darn much it’s incredible.  It still takes my breath away on a daily basis.  I wonder what the scheduled timelines are for that to change? My guess…there are none…it’s all uncharted water.

So now, five years after the fact, these are the things I know for sure. 

•  I do still continue to miss that beautiful child of mine every minute of my day.  He is a part of every breath I take and every action I make, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.  Whatever your spiritual beliefs might be, mine tell me that he reaches out to me daily in symbolism and experiences that let me know he is out of sight, but he is never too far away.
• Shane’s force is as strong in the world today as it was when he lived here with us, and maybe even stronger.  For me and others that loved him, he’s become our passion and our purpose to continue to make change in the world for all the other ‘Shanes’.  His life may have ended, but his mission continues.
• With time it does become easier to let go of the mementos and keepsakes that you cling to in the early period of the loss…but as you find you’re able to release what you cling to, those that you release those treasures to value and cherish them in a way you might not have believed possible earlier on.  You only keep what you give away….so pass the magic of the memories along.
• Shane gifted our lives with his existence for a reason…and every time Trem and I share the story of their friendship, his lessons, our memories….that reason becomes more concrete, more real, more important and intentional for both of us.  We all have a greater purpose on this earth than we can ever even imagine.  Love, joy, connection, acceptance…those are our highest reasons for being here …and the most beautiful thing for me is that in every opportunity to share that story…those are the emotions I experience…Love, joy, connection and acceptance…a state of bliss…a state of flow in sharing our story.    And that tells me that in doing what we are doing in sharing that story, I am being offered an opportunity to share my highest purpose to do my part in moving the world closer to being a place of acceptance, inclusion and equality.  What a gift…what an opportunity.  Thank you for that Shane…love you forever…like you for always…as long as I’m living…my baby you’ll be. xoxo